There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Two words: nipple clamps
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