so that wasnt chicken after all
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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