there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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