i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
