The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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