I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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