Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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