hell yes lets make some ravioli
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
