sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
