On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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