walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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