Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
