Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
