Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
