made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
