We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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