i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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