And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
