Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
