My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
