My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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