I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
