you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
