our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
