Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
