would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
