They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
