tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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