May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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