I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
