So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize