His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize