Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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