Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got her a Nickelback box set.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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