Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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