i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
