Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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