I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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