mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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