Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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