think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
