if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
