Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
false alarm. still invincible.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
