Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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