We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
