my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
