I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
