You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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