guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
