i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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