no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
