your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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