After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
