they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Randomize
