That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
