wat bout pragnant strippers??
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
