thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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