And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
