R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I forgot wine drunk hurts
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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