What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
