They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
