Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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