my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
