Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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