the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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