I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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