I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize