Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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