Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wear drunk well.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
