note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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