I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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