So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
