umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
