Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
