Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
