If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize