So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
