Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
