I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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