Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
