i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
