she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
be right there i have to get my cape
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
