found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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