i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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