The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
