I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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