I CAN MOONWALK!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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