mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
