im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
