well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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