Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
