whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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