it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
