Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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