If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
