And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
