first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
