Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
