nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
